apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
