so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
