i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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