I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think i got beer on your cat.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
