its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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