This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
