Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
