Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
