I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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