im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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