I like my sex mixed with concussions.
where am i from again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
