Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
