There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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