She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
