Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
