He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if only i could text you this smell
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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