only if we run a train.
done.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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