U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
