My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
