I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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