her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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