how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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