not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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