just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
