What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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