I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
