I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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