put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
