I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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