im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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