I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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