She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
