dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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