So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
