forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
