there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
