You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
