I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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