cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
