Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
