he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just want nice things and good sex
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
