zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
