I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
