there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
