Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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