We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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