i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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