they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
