Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
