its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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