we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
