i permit you to call me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
