Need sex. Gaining weight.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
